Starting this blog was something that initially was meant for me to find new ways to do what I love: write and interact with others and in the process, have a written record of this crazy ride that we call life. Recently I’ve come to a realization.
Happiness can not be found in another person, unfortatley we’ve been taught to believe so through unrealistic expectations that we have set based off Disney movies where the princess gets her prince and they ride off to his castle to live happily ever after. Even now at 20 years old, I still find myself revisiting the films of my childhood and realizing how drastically different my life is and how it differs from the ideal I had for myself at 7. It’s possible and realistic to be happy with someone, but having someone be your happiness is not, nor is it healthy. One thing I’ve learned so far is that you cannot place all of your hope, time, and life into the hands of one person. Doing that, you really only set yourself up for disappointment. The only person you can depend on for your happiness is yourself.
Recently, I have let go of a nearly two year relationship with someone that meant the world to me. Often, when ending relationships that we have held on to for a significant amount of time we sort of lose who we are as individuals because for so long we have thought as our “other half” as just that: our other half. Without them it’s like we’re no longer whole. When they leave, our happiness and sense of purpose seems to also leave. This is something I have experienced once before, and never want to experience again. For twenty-one months, I prayed that he would choose me, that he would love me, that at the end of the day he would put his pride aside, grow up, and commit to being with me as his one and only. Finally, I gave up. I chose me. Though it hurt like no other hurt I’ve experienced before in regards to relationships, it was probably the best thing I could have done. There was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Your twenties are meant to be your selfish years, yet for the most part of the start of my twenties, I was far from that. His every need was met by whatever means necessary. My needs were the furthest thing from my mind. The end of once chapter has closed, and the start of another is being written. It’s time for me, to get to know me.
At the end of the day we cannot let others define who we are, what our purpose is, or what our worth is. Though I do not know what exactly the future holds, there are three things I know for certain: The sun will continue to rise and set, the Earth will still be in rotation, and there is a God that knows of the plans he has for me and who is in those plans.