Feel No Ways: Understanding Life In Your Selfish Twenties

“There’s more to life to sleeping in and getting high with you. I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do. That just didn’t sit right with you.” 


As I sat here planning for future posts to go up on the blog, the lyrics to the Drake song “Feel No Ways” were stuck in my head. As I began to sing to myself, the lyrics made more and more sense. Your “Selfish Twenties”. There, it’s out there. For some of us, it’s a phase that we’d rather not talk about, and for good reason. The rest of us, embrace it. We’ve all heard varying suggestions on what we should do with this very long, exciting, sometimes difficult decade of our lives. Personally, I’ve only just entered this stage of my life, nine months ago to be exact. No, I don’t have all the answers but I’m starting to really make sense of what it is I feel so inclined to do for the next nine years left of my being twenty-something. In my opinion the term “selfish twenties” has never made more sense to me now than it ever did. Here’s why:


You get to meet yourself

In life, no one else is really looking out for you. You are your own advocate, your own friend, your own hero. This being said, upon entering our twenties, if we take a step back and evaluate the choices we’ve made, the friends we have, the habits we’ve formed many of us would find that these things have been influenced by other people and other people’s circumstances. That is not okay. Who are you as a person, what do you, yourself like? What do you dislike? What kind of life do you want to lead realistically versus ideally? These are all questions that need to be answered now in your twenties rather then later on down the line in your thirties or forties. Bottom line, get to know and love yourself because you’re happiness should still be around either with others or alone.

“I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do.”

Yes Drake, Yes. These words really hit very close to home, being that about two months ago I had to end a nearly two year relationship. This being said, I strongly believe in being single for some period of time in your twenties. Yes, relationships are great and mine was great. However, the key word here is was. It was great having someone to share my day to day life with on a more intimate level. It was great having regular plans. It was great just to have someone. As time progressed though, I found that keeping up with the relationship and breaking up to make up was a stress in itself in the midst of being successful academically and professionally.

See 10 Things I Learned From Lauren Conrad


Holding on to that relationship turned into me holding on to my safety net so I wouldn’t have to be alone, though on his part there were frequent instances of cheating and general dishonesty. I don’t say all of this to bash my ex because at one point the relationship was wonderful, but to say we can’t hold on to what was and expect to grow as an individual. I say from experience that you cannot have a successful relationship unless you have the time and ability to push yourself as a person and find new capabilities you thought you didn’t have and experience things you felt you could never experience. Though it may seem like the end of a relationship or lack of a relationship at all is the end of the world, there’s more to life.

See 4 Things My Ex Taught Me

You’re Still Learning

Though your twenties are meant for finding yourself, don’t get so caught up in doing it! Yes it’s an important part of life but you’re twenty-something! Go out for drinks, buy that pair of shoes, take that flight out of the country! You have the ability to go, do, and move anywhere you want, however many times you want, with little to no strings attached. This is the time of your life where for the vast majority of us, the only responsibilities we have are to ourselves and usually mainly consist of getting an education and building a career. Who says you can’t have fun on the way to getting where you want to be?

Embrace your twenties, they say the four years you spend in high school are the best years of your life, but what about your twenties? What tips you have for enjoying your “Selfish Twenties”? I’d love to read them.



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