Y’all. I’m just gonna put this out there: I am a relationship kind of gal. When I say this I mean, no I know I don’t need to be in a relationship to properly function. When I say I’m the relationship type I mean that I absolutely am incapable of having a friends with benefits, casual dating…whatever type of situation. I get attached, I catch feelings, I get jealous…despite the fact that an open relationship of sorts were in fact the terms and conditions I agreed to. Whatever the case, it doesn’t work for me. Lately I have had a “man friend” for lack of a better term that I spend time with, go places with, lay up with and frankly it feels like what I want for myself relationship wise and just life in general has become lost in translation.
What’s Been Up
If you guys have followed me for awhile, you know that I mentor a group of girls in my church between 5 and 16. Recently I took the older girls aside and had a little girl talk session. We talked about boys, I let them ask me every and any question they had for me in regards to boys and relationships, and I shared my own experience with them. I agreed with them that everything we talked about would stay between us and that I would be completely, 100% honest. While we talked I explained the concept of emotional purity, because all too often in the church girls, and boys I guess, but more so girls in my experience, are always told about the importance of purity in the physical (sexual) sense but not necessarily the emotional. I felt it was important to talk about emotional purity because you can taint yourself emotionally a number of ways, not just by having sex with the wrong person or at the wrong time. Long story short, in talking with them I was forced to think about how I damaged myself emotionally, how I could have prevented it, and what exactly was I doing now to rebound from that because TBH, I still have some issues to work past.
Looking at the past is necessary however, your past does not necessarily define your future. The vast majority of my relationships with former boyfriends have been…toxic in the sense that I have given more of myself out physically, emotionally, financially…than they had ever given to me. I’ve dated guys that have been literally not shit and I’ve dated guys that were literally the sweetest but did not support me and my goals. Either way shit didn’t work out. Watching the #HurtBae video on Twitter last night, a week after talking with the girls, so many memories were bought back from my last real relationship where literally, nearly the SAME exact thing had happened to me. After all of the relationship fails I’ve had sometimes I start to panic and worry I’ll be alone forever, despite the fact that in the back of my mind I do know that everything will work out.
In reality, right now I feel like I have everything together, while at the same time, nothing at all. When this happens, I literally have no idea what I’m doing.
Here’s What’s Coming
Now is the time that I need to really step back and deal with myself, bettering myself, exploring my opportunities professionally, and of course blogging duh. Though I’m not actively looking for a boyfriend right now, I’d like one but the way my life is set up…I see a Manless March in my future. No men, no sex…just me, school, and my blog. It’s true: you can get so much done without a penis in the way girl. I’m determined to make 2017 a bomb year for both me personally and my blog so I feel like this is so necessary for me to do and the right time for me to do it.
That’s all guys. Here’s to hoping I can successfully get through my Manless March and of course I’ll be documenting everything via the blog, Twitter and Snapchat. What are your goals for March? Tweet me, Snap me, or leave me a comment down bellow.
Until Next Time Dolls!